Lately I have been seeing myself taking a head first dive off the rim of the Grand Canyon and instead of sprouting wings (like I thought I would) my body is in a free fall, flailing itself from one rock ledge to the next.
Bam-Ouch. Thwap-Ugh. Smack-Aargh.
Each full throttle smattering on the ledge reminds me of:
An unpaid bill (bang) A shitty should (thump) The weight I have put on (slap) That time that day I raised my voice at the kids (whack) My lack of motivation to promote my business (conk)
And it hurts and I see myself all battered and bruised at the bottom of the canyon and I am bleeding and I can’t breathe because I can’t stop sobbing and hyperventilating that I have completely and thoroughly screwed up my life and let everybody down. The panic is like something I have never experienced before at EVERY night at 3:33 AM I am catapulted out of bed because of my racing, panicky heart.
I reach out to google because quite frankly, it seems somewhat ironic that 3:33 is the appointed hour and I learn that my angels are trying to tell me something. They are telling me that:
I am too concentrated in thinking negative thoughts (smack) That my union of mind, body and spirit is off (slap) That I need more balance in my life (DUH)
Thanks to google and my angels, I asked myself what my body, mind and spirit needs (by needs I mean-what can I learn from this so that I can move forward).
I learned from my friend Leanne that, “The Universe is like a crock-pot, #setitandforgetit.” And I need to stop asking over and over for stuff like a spoiled child, the Universe only needs to hear it one time.
I learned that when everyone in my house is napping that is the Universe saying, “Do your vision board now…I have given you time.” And so I did and it is AWEsome! (I had been sitting on my little cutouts for over a month)
“Follow your dreams, fool”
I learned to thank myself when I do exercise, not to beat myself up when I don’t and to remember that the weight is from quitting smoking, “GO ME!”
And finally, I learned that money doesn’t define my worth on this planet and when I am true to my purpose…it flows in like water. (DUH, smack, whack, conk)