Last week I was giving a lecture about “toxic debt” and during the Q&A discussion a member of the audience wondered why we weren’t talking about the idea of “living within your means”.
Let me tell you, my inside voice was like, “For reals? After all the data I just presented this is where we are going?”
But I didn’t…I finessed a genius answer, deftly moved on to another question, and then marinated long and hard in the notion that our systems are still set up on the fictional idea that if you work hard enough and live within your means you can have the American dream.
When you are a woman in America who is providing for her family…this is what LIVING MEANS.
BIRTH CONTROL – CHILD CARE – TRANSPORTATION – UTILITIES – RENT – SALARY – CLOTHING – SHOES – DIAPERS – TOYS – FURNITURE – TOWELS – SHEETS – BEDS – SOCKS – UNDERWEAR – PHONE – HAIRCUTS – FOOD – PEDIATRICIANS – 3 JOBS – ETC – ETC
When you are a woman in America who is providing for her family…this is what LIVING MEANS.
THE DEVELOPMENT OF A DIVERSE WEB OF SUPPORT THAT IS ONE OF THE GREATEST UNDERGROUND ECONOMIES IN THE NATION. A WOMENS NETWORK OF HAND-ME-DOWNS, LIVING ROOM HAIRCUTS, FOOD SHARING, RIDE SHARING, SISTERHOOD.
I am not just preaching this truth as an advocate. I am preaching this truth from my experience. We used to joke that one of my books is called, “If all else fails mom says the water in the back of the toilet is clean” and it is. And you can mix it with blueberry muffin mix and eat it by the spoonful in a pinch.
It wasn’t just that my mom wasn’t living within her means – although to be sure sometimes she wasn’t. My father had committed suicide and left her with 2 small children. It wasn’t that she wasn’t living within her means, it was that she was grieving a soul death. A death so crushing it was as if the entire weight of the world was coming down all around her and she couldn’t help but run away from the reality of it.
It was the only way for her to stay alive for her daughters.
Advocating to yourself for the desires of your heart (especially when those desires are connected to your children) can be difficult.
When we judge those who are struggling let us remember that there is a story there. There may be a secret so deep, so giant, so soul crushing that hope seems another lifetime away.
Let’s advocate to dismantle the system that says we should be “living within our means” and start talking about WHAT LIVING MEANS.
It’s Monday, and there’s so much to look forward to! Not only is it time for another Monday Mayhem, there’s also new exclusive content on my Patreon. Be sure to check it out, I’d love to see you there! Patreon.com/birdgirl1001
Love, Dr. Melissa Bird
P.S. I am super duper excited to be hosing an AMAZING Fanning the Flames advocacy workshop in Holyoke, MA on March 28, 2018. Tickets are still available! Come join me for breakfast and fun!
Attending Dr. Melissa Bird’s workshop was revelatory! I left owning a higher level of confidence in my power to influence and impact positive change in my community and the world. My business motivation changed to include political action and support as part of my ‘Why’. Choosing to be in her presence will always be a great decision! -C. Rene Washington, CEO – cRene Coaching